When Pigs Fly
by ToWriteLoveOnAPage
Summary: Purely Fluff. What if Tyler wasn't the only one who had their eyes on taking Bella to the Prom? Takes place during Twilight after the Phoenix fiasco, but before the prom. Edward is going to have to fend off Bella's suitors with a stick pretty soon.
1. Chapter 1

"Edward, calm down," I whispered to my very cross and very angry boyfriend.

"Bella, you can't hear what he's thinking, it's absolutely inappropriate," he hissed under hiss breath.

I sighed and looked over my shoulder to sneak a peak at Mike Newton. Of course he was staring at me and of course he had that slightly glazed over expression that he often wore when looking at me. I may not be able to hear exactly what he was thinking, but I could guess that is was less than wholesome.

"Just ignore it," I muttered turning back to Edward and placing my warm hand over his freezing arm, "let him think whatever he wants."

"I am not giving Mike Newton free reign to think about MY girlfriend that way," he growled possessively on the word "my" and gave Mike a dark glance over his shoulder. Mike noticed nothing, he was too immersed in his fantasies to comprehend much of anything.

"Well, there's nothing you can do about it unless you beat him until he's incapable of higher brain function," I rolled my eyes and scribbled down an answer to the biology worksheet we were supposed to be completing.

"Or killed him," Edward added.

"I'm not sure I condone homicide," I said writing down another answer.

"I see it more as a public service," he shrugged and allowed me access to his already completed paper. I grumbled about perfection being a sin as I erased some of my incorrect answers and replaced them with his.

"Cheating is also a sin, love," he smirked as I changed the wording in some of my copied answers so that it wouldn't look suspicious.

"Then we'll both burn in hell together," I sighed dramatically and passed him back his paper with a look of feigned distress.

He chuckled and added his name to the top of the worksheet in his immaculate script, he was in the middle of adding the second "l" to his last name when he stopped and a low growl hissed from his lips.

I grabbed his hand from the desk and squeezed it in mine, "Edward Cullen, what is the matter with you?" I whispered urgently.

"That boy is trying my patience," he said through clenched teeth. His whole body was tensed and he was wearing a look befitting of a vampire.

"It doesn't matter what he's thinking, you're the only one that gets to have me in real life," I said as I rubbed circles on his hand with my thumb.

"He's not just thinking anymore," he said in a strained voice, "he's plotting."

"Plotting what?" I said suspiciously as I chanced another quick glance at Mike. He was wearing a sly little grin that made my insides squirm.

Edward sighed and gave me a weak smile, "I'm sure you'll find out sooner or later, and when you do, don't hesitate to rethink your view on homicide."

"I thought you said it was public service?" I teased.

"Bella."

"Yes, Edward?"

"Bite me," he smiled wickedly.

"Why Mr. Cullen! Now who is being inappropriate?"

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I hobbled down the hallway with my hand held firmly in Edward's. I had enough trouble getting through the halls when my leg wasn't wrapped in a giant plaster cast, but now it was almost impossible. If Edward hadn't been willing to assist me to every class, then I was sure I would have fallen on my face and been trampled by the teenage masses.

I gave him a blush and a smile as he leaned in to kiss me goodbye outside the girls locker room.

"Goodbye my love, parting is such sweet sorrow," he recited and with one last sweep of his hand against my cheek, he disappeared down the hallway.

I sighed in contentment as I entered the gym locker room where I would not be changing. One of the few advantages that accompanied my crippled leg was the glorious doctor's excuse that freed me from participating in gym for the remainder of the school year. I patted my cast lovingly and proceeded straight into the gymnasium. I took my post sitting along the sidelines and prepared for forty minutes of un-physical education.

The Mike Newton issue had almost been completely forgotten during the course of the day, but as I watched his eager form appear from the boy's locker room it all came rushing back to me. I quickly pulled out the iPod that Edward had given me as a get-well-soon present and fumbled with the tangled ear buds. Stupid things! If I could just get them in my ears, then maybe Mike would see I was busy and leave me alone!

"Hey Bella, need some help?" Mike asked as he came jogging over to where I sat.

"Um, no thanks Mike, I think I got it," I smiled weakly as the darn things finally came undone just seconds after his arrival. Typical.

"Hey, do you think you could meet me in the parking lot after gym?" Mike asked innocently as our gym teacher blew the start of class whistle, "there's something I have to ask you."

"Sure," I sighed dejectedly. He gave me a brilliant smile and ran to join his class.

"Edward, if you're listening...save me."

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Edward didn't meet me at the end of class, so I could only assume that he knew Mike's little plan and was determined to let me handle this myself. I sighed once again as Mike came bounding out of the locker room and offered to carry my books to my car.

"Thanks," I smiled without any real conviction and handed him my things, "but it's Edward's car that you'll be carrying them too. I can't drive remember?"

"Oh," he said looking a little embarrassed, "right, I forgot."

We headed towards the Volvo in awkward silence and I could almost hear the gears turning in Mike's head as we drew closer and closer to my salvation. Finally something clinked into place and Mike stopped and turned to face me.

"Bella," he sighed, "I just wanted to know if you would go to the prom with me."

It was only out of my regard for Mike's feelings that I did not burst out laughing.

"Mike, I'm dating Edward. You know that," I said apologetically, "and you and Jessica have really been hitting it off lately, why would you ask me to the prom?"

He looked like a kicked puppy and his eyes dropped to the ground, "I know, I just thought I'd try. I'v always liked you, but I guess you probably figured that out, huh?"

"Yeah," I nodded, "but I'm sorry I'v always only thought of you as a friend. I still think of you that way."

"I know," he sighed and kicked at the ground, "I just thought that I'd try one more time before Cullen ran off with you to Vegas or something."

I chuckled and rolled my eyes, "Edward and I aren't getting married anytime soon, you make it sound like he's already picked out the ring."

"The way he looks at you I wouldn't put it past him," he chuckled too.

"Am I interrupting something?" Edward said lightly as he suddenly appeared at my side. To anyone else his tone would have seemed casual, but I picked up the faint trace of malice laced within his words.

"Nah, Bella just said something funny that's all," Mike grinned and handed my books over to Edward.

"Yes, she does do that occasionally," Edward agreed as he put his arm around my shoulders. Mike lingered for a few seconds before giving me a quick goodbye and rushing away from the tense silence that Edward had brought to the situation.

"Poor kid, he's delusional," I said shaking my head in exhausted amusement, "he actually thought I was going to go to the prom with him!"

"So, does this mean I still can't kill him?" he chuckled.

"No, Mike's a good kid, just a little stupid sometimes," I sighed as he helped me into the Volvo, "I mean me going to the prom? Yeah, that'll happen...when pigs fly."

"Well then, Wilbur's about to get wings," Edward muttered.

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing love," he smiled and kissed my forehead, "now buckle up for safety."


	2. Chapter 2

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**Author's Chapter Notes:**

The first chapter was so well received that here is number 2. This is the last though, so drink up...read up...whatever.

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight.

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So, here I sat, curled into Edward's stone lap watching Alice paint my toe nails in ten different colors.

"Alice, why are we making my feet into a rainbow?" I groaned as Edward stroked my hair with his steady, gentle hands.

"Curiosity killed the cat, Bella," she chimed as my pinky toe received a shining coat of dark purple polish.

"Alice, in my case, everything kills the cat," I sighed, "curiosity is hardly the problem when there are three bloodthirsty vampires chasing me all the way to Phoenix and back."

Edward tensed for a moment as my little comparison reminded him of my unpleasant near-death experience, but Alice simply gave me a reproachful look.

"My dearest and sweetest best friend, you can try to run away with this monstrosity," she patted my thick, white cast, "or you can sit there like a good little girl and let poor-little-old-me have my fun."

"Fine, but just to let you know, I'm taking it all off when I get home!"

"Fine!" she smiled and stuck her tongue out at me.

"You're so small and yet so evil."

"I know, it's a skill," she shrugged and added rhinestones to my silver big toe.

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"Did all of it come off?" Alice asked innocently as Edward helped me walk through the treacherous school parking lot and towards the building itself.

"No," I said bitterly as I remembered my three toes that still sparkled with annoyingly un-Bella colors. I had tried to reach around my cast to remove the polish, but it was simply too bug and bulky, so I had waited for Edward to help me instead. Everything was going fine, but the nail polish remover was too strong and he apologetically jumped out my window for some fresh air after cleaning only two toes.

"Oh, well," she giggled and danced her way into the main entrance and out of sight.

"She's up to something," Edward said with narrowed eyes.

"Obviously she's trying to give me an aneurism," I grumbled.

"No, that's not what I mean," he said with a concentrated look on his face, "I mean she's keeping something from me, she just started naming every species of fish indigenous to the South Pacific."

"Oh...we're screwed aren't we?" I sighed.

"I'm afraid so."

The rest of the day passed by with no reminder of the impending doom predicted by Alice. And since it was predicted by Alice, I knew for sure that it was doom and not some simple little happening that she wanted to keep a surprise. No, Alice only bothered to keep the truly torturous details a mystery.

"Hey Eric," I smiled as he scooted closer to me at our lunch table. I thought it was an incredibly brave move seeing as no one at our table usually got anywhere near me now that Edward and Alice sat by my side. But then again, Edward was in the lunch line buying my food and Alice was so small that no one could really count her as intimidating.

"I just wanted to ask you something," he said looking nervously over his shoulder.

Oh no, this was what Alice was trying to keep from Edward wasn't it? I glanced over my shoulder to give her the dirtiest look possible, but she was conveniently talking to Rosalie a few tables away. Evil, little, pixie wench!

"What's on your mind," I sighed. I might as well get this over with.

"Well, I thought that maybe you would go to prom with me. I know you're dating Cullen, but he doesn't really seem like the prom kind of guy, and I wouldn't want you to miss out," he stammered.

I tried my best not to grimace and settled for an unconvincingly sympathetic smile.

"Sorry Eric, I'm not the prom kind of girl," I said politely as Edward set the tray down in front of me and took his post by my side. He put his cold arm around my waist and pulled me closer as Eric quickly scooted back towards the purely human side of the table.

"Alright Alice, you've had your fun, you can come out of hiding," he muttered.

"Oh, the fun has just begun," Alice smiled devilishly as she danced away from Rosalie and settled across from us.

Edward groaned.

"What now?" I said slightly panicked. How much more of this could I take?

"I don't know, but she's moved onto translating the Canadian National Anthem into Swahili."

It wasn't long before fate and its cruel sense of humor caught up to me again. I was standing on the sidelines of the basketball court while twenty or so players dribbled the dangerous orange ball with a skill that I couldn't dream of having, when an overconfident Sophomore felt the need to torture me.

"Hey, there," he smiled smugly, "basketball not your thing?"

"Sports aren't my thing," I mumbled.

He laughed a bit too hard at my sarcastic remark and then flashed his white smile at me. I'm sure he thought his gleaming white teeth would impress me, but they looked a dull gray compared to Edward's. In fact, everything looked dull compared to Edward. I wondered why these stupid boys couldn't realize that I was blind to anyone but him?

"You got a prom date?" he finally asked.

"No, and I don't want one," I tried to say calmly through gritted teeth, but my tone might have come off a teensy bit furious.

"Feisty, I like it," he said arching an eyebrow. He looked ridiculous.

"Listen kid," I made sure to emphasize the fact that he was younger than me, "I'm taken."

"Sure, whatever you say," he rolled his eyes, but laughed as he rejoined the other players, "I'll give you my number later."

Ugh, non-vampire men are so immature, I thought to myself as the stupid sophomore tried to pass me his number outside of the gym locker rooms, I refused it and grabbed Edward's hand firmly in mine. The sophomore took one look at Edward's sure to be frightening face, and then scurried off to find his friends.

"Do I have to get you a tee-shirt that says, stop asking my girlfriend to the Prom, sincerely Edward Cullen, because I'll do it! I swear to God I will!" he huffed as we watched my second suitor of the day disappear.

"Alice wouldn't let me wear it," I shrugged as I patted his shoulder sympathetically, "she says shirts with writing on them don't make a statement - they simply make her sick."

"Speaking of Alice," he mumbled as she danced her way past us, "she's calculating pi at the moment."

"Oh no, will it ever stop?"

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**Chapter End Notes:**

Tell me what you think!

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